Before I left on a trip to Asia, a friend said to me, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”  Wait…what?… am I looking for something?  In the past, I would have accepted the statement as a way of wishing me well on my journey and ignored the question it posed.  But over the last few years, I have learned that whenever I find myself pushing back against or resisting a concept, I need to investigate that concept carefully.  What is arising in me that makes me resistant?  Do I understand the concept correctly?  How can I test the concept to see if it has merit that isn’t readily accessible to me?  Did my friend see something that I was missing?

Was I…am I looking for something?  I thought about the question before I left.  I thought about it while I was traveling.  And I continue to think about it today.  Certainly, I am not looking for something in the way I am looking for, say, my glasses (I know they are around here some place).  Looking by my definition presupposes I know what I want to find.  OK for lost glasses but not so useful when exploring new corners of the ethnosphere.  Rather than looking, I believe my intention was and is to observe, explore and understand.  Mindfulness, after all, is the practice of seeing clearly.  Seeing through the delusions, prejudices, distractions, distortions, hype and propaganda which surround us and arise from within us every moment of every day.

Case in point.  Nobody in Viet Nam (not Vietnam.  I was asked to explain to folks back home that Viet Nam is two words, not one)…nobody in Viet Nam has any reason to welcome Americans.  If your family supported Ho Chi Minh, we did our best to kill you and destroy your property.  And Americans are very good at killing and destroying property.  If you supported us, we put you at risk of being killed and having your property destroyed to further our regional political agenda.  Then, in the face of defeat, we abandoned you to fend for yourselves while we pulled back to the safety of our borders.  Everyone suffered for our actions.  Yet everywhere I went, I was greeted warmly and enthusiastically like an old friend or distant relative whose homecoming had been long awaited.

Why was this?  People in other parts of the world are fighting and killing each other today for grievances that occurred centuries ago.  How is it that the good people of Viet Nam can avoid the cycle of endless violence that is occurring elsewhere?  I made a point of asking people this question.  I asked a number of war veterans including two particularly heavy hitters who were high ranking officers in the military and members of the Communist party.  I asked civilians who lost relatives and who were displaced by the war.  I asked others who lost everything they had as a result of their support for the American war effort.  I asked young people who only know of the war from the standpoint of history.  And although their reasons were as different as the individuals themselves, there was one common theme that was universally expressed.  That theme is this:  They want to be happy.

Now, I know that there are many Vietnamese whose pain and loss are so severe that they have not forgiven the Americans and never will.  I also know that some people are just being polite and not sharing their true and complete feelings.  But I know for sure that when I spoke with a very pregnant lady who lovingly rubbed her belly and said, “I want my baby to be happy,” she wasn’t faking.  I know the old Viet Minh soldier at a military cemetery outside of Hanoi who threw his arms around me in a giant bear hug and called me, “Comrade,” wasn’t just being polite.  I know that the members of the bride’s family who dragged me in off the street and wanted me at the wedding for “good luck,” were authentic in their enthusiasm.  You cannot fake joy.  You cannot fake enthusiasm.  You cannot fake happiness.  You can try but you won’t succeed.

So, this isn’t a story about how we Americans have gotten better than we gave…better than we deserve.  It is a story about how mindful people can choose to be free of the chain of suffering that repeats itself from one generation to the next.  How they can summon the strength to say, “I accept this.  I will bare it.  I will not pass it along to my children and grandchildren.”  It is a story about people choosing their own spirit and so choosing, setting themselves and others free.

Everybody has suffered.  Everybody has experienced pain and loss.  We have all been abandoned, mistreated, deceived, and disrespected.  It is hard being a human being.  But mindful living provides us with paths out of suffering.  Paths to happiness.  Ways to choose our own spirits.  So to my teachers in Viet Nam, I say:  May your baby grow up happy and healthy.  Rest easy comrade and thank you for your kindness.  And I hope your marriage is as happy and joyful as mine.

But don’t take my word for it.  Investigate for yourself.

Take care.