Before I retired a few years ago, I fell off a ladder. I would like to tell you that I was in the process of saving a baby from a burning building, but the truth is I was doing some high dusting. Anyway, I injured my knee quite badly. The medical professionals were of the opinion that surgery was the preferred option although they left the final decision up to me. After further consultation, I decided that surgery would be a last resort and that I would try an intense regimen of physical therapy to see what gains could be made. Part of that regimen was miles and miles on a treadmill. Well, that got boring very quickly. So, I asked the attending physician if I could walk on city streets instead. The changing scenery, I thought, would keep me interested and active. My doctor approved and I established the goal of walking every block of every street in the city. (As of this writing, I have accomplished about 60-65% of this goal. Thanks for asking).
My walks have taken me to all parts of the city… industrial areas, commercial districts, affluent enclaves, working class neighborhoods (my favorites), and areas where many people are living in tents. And everywhere I go, I extend a friendly greeting to those I pass along the way… just a simple, “good morning,” “good afternoon” or “hello.” It doesn’t matter if people respond or not. I just want to be friendly. That’s all.
But my city has changed during the 2020’s. People don’t feel as safe as they used to and there is less trust between folks who aren’t acquainted. On occasion, I have noticed that one or two women walking alone looked a bit apprehensive when I said good morning. Now remember, my intention is to do only those things that are beneficial or neutral for myself and others. Creating apprehension in my fellow pedestrians does not fit into that framework.
In response to this realization, I posted a question along with a brief description of why I wanted information and asked only women to respond. The question was, “Should I continue greeting people or should I just keep silent when passing by on the street.” The response was overwhelming. Of the hundreds who answered, only one person suggested silence is the preferred option. Many women said that a friendly greeting helps brighten their days which I consider a very healthy sign for humankind.
So, throughout the summer I continued walking here, walking there, and greeting people along the way. As usual, some people responded and some didn’t but always without incident. That is until one morning when I was walking in the Alameda neighborhood.
Alameda is a very posh neighborhood. I cannot afford to live there and I don’t know very many people who can. For the most part, the people I meet there are friendly although not as friendly as in the working class neighborhoods. Anyway, on this particular morning as I walked along admiring the flowers and the pleasant warm weather, I noticed a woman walking her dog approaching from the opposite direction. In her hand, she carried the iconic green plastic poop bag that is well known to dog owners in this part of the country. She had a pretty big dog, so the bag was quite full.
As the woman drew near, I made brief eye contact and in my most friendly, non-threatening voice said, “good morning.” Without skipping a beat, the woman drew back and threw the poop filled bag at me. The bag bounced off my shoulder and fell into a well manicured yard. The woman continued on her way without saying a word.
Since that day, I have told the story many times. Most people say they would have gotten angry and had a few choice words for the woman. Other people say, “That’s assault! You should have called the police.” But, I didn’t do either and I am happy I didn’t. What I saw was a woman with her suffering on full display. Would harsh words have made the situation better for either of us? Of course not. And as far as the police, I worked in public safety for twenty-seven years. Calling 911 would have annoyed the dispatchers and the cops would have gotten a good laugh. It would have amused my colleagues in the fire department, too.
No, the skillful response to a person in pain is compassion and good will.
So, as I continued my walk, I silently sent a message of good will to the lady. I meant it, too. And, as I sit here in the growing dark of a mid-December afternoon, I send the same blessing to all my fellow primates… those who fling poo and those who don’t.
May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be free from all suffering.
May you be safe and protected.
May you find peace in an uncertain world.
Kindness, compassion and good will are super powers. But don’t take my word for it. Investigate for yourself.